Facebook Funnies

It's that time again! Time to share some of my hilarious Facebook friends with you. I know you've been missing it.

Mark. Oh Mark. My friend from high school who I now serve on a Board with. He has one of the driest humors of anyone I know. He just throws things out that make me snort.

-I was just sitting on the toilet installing the game of Craps on my phone. Now THAT is ironic.

-Why are the bags of Raisins resealable? Are they afraid they might dry out?

-Skorts are to clothing what a mullet is to hair. Business in the front and party in the back.

-Ever wonder if the words "it cannot be contained" ever get mad or feel slighted and replaced by the word "uncontainable"?

-Loving the famous condiment ketchup while hating real tomatoes is a lot like loving Hannah Montana but not liking the real Miley Cyrus.

-I am all for second chances. But Cured Ham? I think i would prefer to know exactly what former disease the poor pig suffered from before placing it in my mouth.


Bailee-my friend Kristi's daughter. She is a beautiful human being who cracks me up. Her constant drastic hairdo changes and sense of fashion make me wish I could grow up and be her.

-Oh man, God definitely has a fairly twisted sense of humor. That or he's using me as a test subject for how much a person can take before going nutty.

-needs a caffeine i.v. .....Stat. I think i'm flat-lining.

-is sipping wine with a psychic. No seriously.

-can't wait till Valentines day. It's gonna be a bloody massacre. You'll see. There will be pictures.

-hates mornings with a fiery passion that can never be quenched.


Julie-I went to high school with Julie. She cracked me up every single minute of every single day. Thanks to Facebook she still does!

-My son learned to tie a full Windsor from a youtube video. Technology is amazing! Anyone have a link to a video about how to clean your room?

-Cinderella was a shoe-in for the crown.

-I have decided if I grow old and haven't traveled as much as I'd like, I would ask the assistance of my friends to help me fulfill that dream. Just cremate me and ship me UPS to each other. When I arrive at your house, throw a party and send me on. Thank you in advance.

-According to my scale, the 13 cookies I ate last night weighed a pound and a half.

-Stop making funny posts people! I'm trying to take a test and don't have the self-restraint not to reply.

-Ordering "chicks on a raft and a cup of mud." maybe I'll just have "dough well-done with a cow to cover." Naw. Eighty-six that. (Anyone speak diner lingo?)



Karen-Our middle school secretary.

-Driving around today with my top down. Beautiful weather!! Then I remembered that I don't have my Firebird with T-tops anymore. Maybe that's why people were looking at me.

-Watching GI Jane this afternoon. I'm glad Demi Moore made that movie so I didn't have too.

-So the vacuum caught on fire today. That sucks.

-Why is it ok for a guy who has man-boobs to go without a bra?



Amy-I grew up with Amy and always knew she was funny!

-A personal trainer individual I know said in regards to losing weight the First Rule: Stop putting so much freaking food in your pie hole. (Well, he said it nicer than I did.)

-I am terribly non-photogenic...I really don't like that about myself. I've come to terms with the rest of me...but still I wish I could take a nice picture.

-Dear Current and Future Teachers of Campbell: Could you please commission the help of Jack White, The Edge, and Jimmy Page to teach all subjects deemed "boring" to Middle School boys. Also, have them hold guitars and occasionally play a rif in order to give mathematics/reading comprehension/social studies/science more credence. Sincerely, Mom

-is not a fan of crack sweat.

-My afternoon of shuttle service begins in a few minutes...I despise toting children around...it really sucks...I think my mother was insane for having 6 children...but perhaps that is why she put 17 years between the 1st and the last...so she could make someone else drive. Campbell is as tall as a short woman...maybe we could get him to drive...

-Okay...it's Friday...what new stupidity of Amy's can we discuss today...Oh, I once told a co-worker to, "Mellow out and stop shaking so much". Some of you smart folks have already figured out...he had Parkinson's Disease. There really is no way out of that one gracefully.


So now do we all understand why I have a slight addiction to Facebook?? Good, now someone explain it to my husband:c)