Saturday, October 10, 2009

Facebook Funnies

I am blessed to have over 700 friends on Facebook. I personally know all but two of them. I don't add people who I don't know, even if we have friends in common. But I made an exception for two amazing bloggers who I follow.

Ree Drummond & Kelly.

I love them both and knew they were trustworthy.

The others are friends from school, church, summer jobs, vacations, or family. I have loved catching up with everyone and finding what became of them after they left my life. Well, some people I see every day of my life, they're just double blessings:)

I get daily laughs from several of them when I read their status updates. I just have to share.

Steve-we worked together at Golden Bell. He asked me once to give him a haircut. He didn't care at all that I'd never done it before. Sure made for a fun afternoon!

-justifies Pop Tart® consumption: they now come with 20% USRDA of fiber! Eureka!!! So all of us need to eat five a day!!!

-figures that those teensy weensy places that you cut while shaving are somehow connected directly to your aorta. Seriously – there’s an ensuing bloodbath. The hotel staff is going to think I cleaned up after a murder. I’m going to come back to my ...hotel with crime-scene tape on my door. CSI Marriott…

-finds that 4 out of every 3 people have difficulty with fractions.

-wonders if swines get Human Flu... hmmm..

-seeks for a longer palindrome than: Go hang a salami Im a lasagna hog Anyone?

Elizabeth-we go to Sunday School together. She has a laugh that startles people but makes me start laughing until I cry!

-Convinced her doctor that SURELY this weight gain is the result of a thyroid condition. Just left the lab with fingers crossed....I also asked her to make a copy of a recipe out of a magazine that was in the exam room. Do you think I was sending mixed messages? :)

-Is going on record to say that if the school day is lengthened and schools are open on weekends, I quit. Bad idea, Mr. President.

-Has concluded that okay, maybe she is a little dingy. Is there a support group?

-Is watching Biggest Loser and thinking maybe she really should skip the Oreos tonight....

John-I also worked with him at Golden Bell. He met his future wife there and they eventually settled near us. They are the parents of the amazing Mitchell.

-Kanye West just called! He sez that President Obama also deserves Taylor Swifts VMA! Man, if Obama can win the Heisman & the Neville Chamberlain Distinguished service medal this year it will be quite an awards season haul! This presents a very ...practical dilemma for the press: How to capture all the greatness that IS Tebow and Obama in a single photo/video! Believe!!

-wow. the stuff you see on a tropical vacation is mind boggling! apparently, a large # of cruise ship and resort rooms don't come with mirrors. i need a camera crew!

-hello stress...can you please get off my neck. i think there is a legit chance that i have been in a-fib for most of this week.

Deanne-this girl and I have a fun story! We met on the Weight Watchers message boards, became myspace friends, and then both ended up as friends on Facebook. Interesting how she always found me...anyway. We just met in person last month after years of talking about doing it. She's a blast!

-OMGracious! Pumpkin Spice creamer, oh how I missed you so. I could just hug my coffee.

- There's a dead, beheaded body in my garage. (Luckily it was a deer. Unluckily, she posted a picture.)

-is currently torturing the DirecTV guy with "my" music. lol. Take that!

Karen-her husband used to be on staff at our church and she is the secretary at our middle school.

-Do Chinese people get English sayings tattooed on their bodies?

-feels like I've been ate by a coyote and crapped off a cliff.

-carries a lighter. I don't smoke; I just really like certain songs.

-Bummer! I was counting on going to Chicago in 2016. Now what am I going to do that week?

-Kanye West interrupted my status update and said Beyonce's was better. Dangit!

-Mike: I think I'm gonna put my name on my license plate. Alex: Mom does the same thing to my underwear. Mike: Mom puts license plates in your underwear? How do you sit down?

-'s principal is undermining the middle school one box of donuts at a time.

Lisa-oh Lisa. She was the kindergarten teacher for all of my girls. Working in her classroom was a weekly treat. She introduced me to her mother by saying, "This is Stephanie. I love her. She gets my humor." How can you not love that!

-wonders how much bacteria is growing in Paula Dean's diamond rings.

-If you're the person who bought all the boys 6-18 month size socks at Wal-Mart in the last 24 hours...I'm looking for you!

-What does it say about me that I am so excited about big trash day next week that I can hardly think about anything else?

-has good news to report. For the 1st time ever, I bought a potted plant in May and it has survived until September. I am emerging as a gardener!

-is wondering if EVERYONE is sick. Boy, for some of you, I'm glad our relationship is just virtual.

-received a $1.43 rebate check from Sallie Mae today. It seems that I overpaid on my student loan. Interestingly enough, I paid that off 3 years ago. Where is my 4% interest compounded annually on that like they charged me? I could get a meal deal instead of just the Route 44.

-'s husband came home early and caught me...Dusting! Whew-hoo!

-has an important announcement for all medical professionals and scientific sorts. I have recently cleaned out my refrigerator and have run into some cultures that I think could have great significance. Please let me know if you are interested in my specimens.

See how blessed I am?! I have people like this making me laugh on a daily basis. I try every day to be as off the wall and funny as them.

Wish me luck.


Kelly said...

I feel really blessed now that you added me as a friend! Yes, even though we have never "met" I have to say I consider you one of my bestest "cyber" friends ever!! Love ya!

Stacey said...

Why can't I ever think to write things like that on my status?! Those were funny!

Cindy said...

Ya know, as I sit here dribbling tears and wiping my nose from laughing so hard I snort and cry.. ugg.. too too funny friends you've got my dear. I just wish that I was as whimsical and creative! You my dear are just as funny, as I've told you before - a visit to your blog is always a treat! Now, to go remember that friend that I used to have who startled everyone whenever she laughed! Ugg, my belly hurts! must get more tissue! LOLOLOLOL
have a great day! -cindy

McVal said...

You have very funny friends! I'm sure you're just as funny and leave them in stitches too!
My statuses are pretty stupid. And I don't want to just talk about the weather like some of my sisters do.
I'm going to have to think harder...
Thanks for the inspiration!